The Year the World Was Closed

My Introduction to the Virus

I was astounded by the images on television! A woman in China carried from her tenth-floor apartment, and transported into something that resembled a stand-up freezer in the back of a pickup truck! I vividly recall asking my husband, “Oh my goodness, could that happen here?” He replied, “Honey, that’s in China.”

Virus Hits Home

And so it began, March 2020...so many tragedies and way too much sadness.....

My deepest condolences to all who have lost loved ones! My prayers for those inflicted with and recovering from the virus....physically, financially, and emotionally. My heartfelt gratitude to front line workers.

Reflections

Within my psychotherapy practice, I’m honored to share in the lives of others.

I listened and offered free debriefing and crisis intervention to frontline workers. Many Telehealthing with me from hospital conference rooms. Physicians in trailers, hoping to protect their family from CoVid19. Countless stories, feelings of hopelessness at the bedside of dying patients. Nurses vented feelings of sadness and frustration trying to console families. Many experienced PTSD during these unforgettable months.

People upset regarding their inability to visit relatives in extended care facilities. Others stayed away from their parents trying to protect them. Adult children sad as their parents were socially isolated. Ironically, other’s parents were out and about, refusing to wear masks or stay home! Relentlessly requesting to visit their grandchildren. Some adult children anxiety-ridden and frustrated by their parents lack of compliance.

Individuals expressed anger as they felt controlled and opted to take risks. One week hunkered down, the next living their lives. Many taking vacations, gathering indoors with friends, while relatives viewed them as reckless. Families torn apart secondary to judgment regarding personal choices. Couples and families separated as a result of border closures. So many unable to travel to their vacation homes outside or within the USA.

Some grieved the death of their person just prior to pandemic or end of life issues during this public health crisis. Suddenly forced to live alone, trying to adjust in the midst of grief. Many felt weary as the isolation was daunting.

Individuals were diagnosed with a multitude of medical issues. Some opted to refrain from medical care while others feared the risks of necessary procedures. Those newly diagnosed with cancer often faced surgery, multiple hospitalizations, chemotherapy, and radiation. Caregivers felt helpless and said their loved one’s diagnosis was all-consuming. I cannot imagine what these patients and their families endured during CoVid.

Some caregivers struggled while coping with relatives who suffered from dementia, chronic mental illness or addiction.

Those dealing with addiction expressed gratitude for AA and Alanon meetings online. Alanon members maintained support through this safe platform without judgment. Members of AA were reassured they had ongoing support on video or conference calls. Caregivers of those with Alzheimer’s as well as other related dementia and caretakers of the mentally ill found helpful forums online.

Both long-distance and local caregivers desperately attempted to navigate the process of inpatient rehabilitation for substance abuse treatment, long term care, and inpatient psychiatric treatment.

Many caregivers felt defeated as their loved ones experienced multiple admissions to inpatient psychiatric units. These family caregivers were in need of immediate guidance based upon medical necessity. They felt overwhelmed by the tremendous sense of urgency, obtaining legal guardianship and DPOA-(durable power of attorney).

None of us want to be faced with this level of stress or lack of preparedness, especially during a pandemic.

Several caregivers of patients with Alzheimer’s disease and those whose loved one had serious medical issues found themselves in a similar predicament.

Preparing your will, completing advanced directives and DPOA documents is not morbid, it’s actually one of the most important and responsible things you can do for your family.

I spoke to folks who lost their jobs, their businesses, and many who were suddenly unemployed. Business owners who were devastated as their lifelong family business was destroyed by rioters.

Many missing colleagues, one gentleman stated, “I miss office banter and catching up with coworkers, it’s not like there are lunchtime chats on zoom.” After being on zoom calls all day, the last thing folks wanted to do was FaceTime, What’s app, or chat on the phone.

Law students disappointed, deprived of an actual courthouse setting or summer internship. Medical students learned virtually as a result of students testing positive for CoVid19. Nursing students void of an authentic clinical experience. Immense sadness regarding their inability to meet new people in a classroom setting. Students longed for a prospective mate and companionship, yet questioned if bumble or tinder safe....would a potential mate truly Quarantine prior to meeting up?!

They missed working out with peers and networking capabilities. These abrupt life changes precipitated distraction, isolation, feelings of depression, anxiety, increased insomnia, and burn out.

Families devastated by loss and an inability to honor their loved ones with the dignity of a proper funeral. Streaming funerals wasn’t the same as paying respects in person. Long-distance relatives without closure, often erupting into family conflict.

Restaurant owners diligently focused on creative ways to keep afloat. School bus drivers, UPS drivers, mail carriers, and other essential workers fearful of bringing the virus to their families. Employees trying to adjust to this major life transition yet anxious, wondering if there was more ahead.

Unmet Expectations

Couples postponed weddings. Athletes missed the camaraderie of sports teams. Friends missed brunches, theatre, live performances, dinner parties, dining out, birthdays, kids play dates, and book clubs. Many elective surgeries were delayed. Expectant moms experienced changes in birthing plans. Parents sad their children were missing out on important life events, ie; school, sports, birthday parties, studying abroad, and graduation. Couples postponed anniversary celebrations. Annual family reunions and holiday festivities we canceled. There wasn’t anyone exempt from these difficult life transitions. The heartbreak I listened to for hours each day was truly inconceivable!

A Glimmer of Hope

Finally, cases simmered down as summer approached! Many began to feel a sense of normalcy. The warmth of the sun seemed to console collectively. People began calling one another and scheduled get-togethers. Many longed for time away from their children, then beat themselves up for planning a date night.

Spoke Too Soon :(

As summer came to an end, my caseload was consumed with teachers and parents. All struggling to navigate with great trepidation. Frustrated by the additional and seemingly unnecessary demands.

Parents overwhelmed coordinating pods and remote learning. Teachers missed their students and classrooms. Pulled in every direction, unappreciated and blown away by the expectations placed upon them. Many teachers preferred virtual learning as, “kids that had to be quarantined, were unable to learn during this time. Half time teaching groups A and B had too many drawbacks......”

Teachers stated, “Retention levels much lower when students rotated groups A and B. There was an inability to facilitate small groups, offer individual support, hugs, a pat on the back, or snacks in class. Students were forced to wear masks at school.”

Parents tried to juggle work and home life! Most worked remote,(many single parents) while helping their children log onto zoom after zoom.

Teachers reported excitement after Thanksgiving, able return to remote learning! They were elated to see their entire classroom on zoom!

Older adults longing for their volunteer work, for socialization, and as an outlet away from their spouse.

Many longing to travel, missing their children and grandchildren in faraway places.

Those who suffered from CoVid frustrated on like day 23, felt they shouldn’t be short of breath anymore. Annoyed it lingered with residual effects yet grateful to be alive.

Life is Weird

Some aggravated others weren’t taking the virus seriously, while others seemed convinced it was a political game. People on both sides noticed the media was intrusive. One man stated, “I don’t understand why news reporters are no longer neutral.”

Anxiety was at an all-time high, so many expressed frustration regarding, “mixed messages”, saying, “Who can you trust?”

Many hunkered down, angered by those they perceived as, “selfish.”

Incredibly frustrated, wanting others to view pandemic as a public health crisis. One woman found holidays “unnecessary and difficult to celebrate in the current state of our country and world.”

In Hindsight....2020

As I reflected on 2020...it felt like a compilation of 30 years of therapy sessions suddenly squished together like a movie reel on fast forward, condensed into a nine-month period.

I have been grateful for my own supervision!

The Good from the Bad

The good I’ve witnessed from this pandemic was a slowing down and an increased sense of self-awareness. Individuals expressed a new appreciation for simplicity...requiring less to feel content and getting to know themselves.

Many grateful to be working remote, sleeping in later. No one seemed to be missing long commutes to the workplace.

Many felt insulated from obligatory functions, focused on what mattered most. Individuals did not miss the constant pull and demands previously placed upon them.

Women embraced their natural beauty. Seemingly, less concerned about mani/pedi’s, blowouts, or makeup.

They shopped less, cooked more, and saved money. Noticing mindfully simple pleasures....hiking, kayaking, fishing, boating, walking their dogs, bird watching, and flowers.

High school students said although they missed seeing their classmates, they loved more time to prep for exams.

They preferred remote learning as they weren’t required to wear a mask.

College students didn’t miss cleaning their sorority house, decorating, or preparing food for rush week.

I felt compassion as folks minimized their trauma. So hard on themselves. I noticed the discomfort of solitude and vulnerability. Many desperately trying to escape the discomfort of their negative emotions. Seemingly forgetting, the entire world was experiencing this public health crisis.

I recall people saying, “I feel so alone.”

One gentleman said, “These are Crazy times I feel lost, kind of like when my parents got divorced, scary.

We will prevail in Jesus Name. Prayers”

Reminding them, everyone experienced grief on some level as grief isn’t exclusive to death, reassuring them it was alright to feel sad.

At the same time, I assisted in recognizing we must process the crisis we’ve endured.

Acceptance of the process and patience with ourselves is uncomfortable yet imperative!

Gradually, moving through our grief, instilling newfound hope... by reframing situations. it’s important to introspect on the good that has transpired, engaging in creative ways of coping and meaning-making. This process helps us in terms of personal development.

Overall, the majority reported increased life fulfillment. Those who traveled for work said they preferred being home.

Many ecstatic football returned, regardless of fans.

Longing to see friends, some hosted small social distanced gatherings around fire pits in their backyard.

Many pets were adopted and welcomed into new homes.

Our pets lived their best lives throughout the entire pandemic!!!

Early December the cases skyrocketed. Some biding their time watching Netflix, foreign films and concerts online. Others attended live opera in parking garages.

Couples ordered carry out and had date nights in their car. Some learned chess secondary to, The Queen’s Gambit. Many baked for the holidays.

Mid December the vaccine was en route for front-line workers!

The media showed those first vaccinated in England. Within days, healthcare professionals in the USA vaccinated on television, some shed tears of joy!

Finally, an end in sight.

Although 2020 has been devastating, I witnessed people supporting one another in the midst of tragedy. So many volunteered at food banks across the country! People made the most of their circumstances, embracing and maintaining connections with loved ones. Late December, pandemic pregnancies were announced all over social media!

Parents posted Christmas photos on social media. Families photographed in buffalo plaid pajamas. I noticed a lot of joy in their photos. A similar theme as families posted, “Although Christmas was different this year, we enjoyed a relaxing holiday with our immediate family.”

One mom posted, “We watched, It’s a wonderful life. The kids had never seen this. We took advantage of COVID to slow down and do things together we usually can’t because we’re busy running between church services. Part of me misses that but I’m so glad we had this opportunity. The movie ended at the stroke of midnight and we looked outside to see the beautiful snow falling outside. Family, friends, and being there for others in ways both great and small really do make a huge difference in the world.”#christmasmagic

We humans are incredibly resilient!

Be Safe & Be Well

Happy New Year

Peace & Love,

Marla, xo